Album Review: Old Skull - C.I.A Drug Fest

Old Skull is a mysterious entity, one whose history is hard to track down, most likely because the band never made it out of the Playskool Playhouse that served as their recording studio and/or home for the better part of their childhood years. The guys, pictured above, hold a record (in my heart) as being the youngest and rockinest punk rock band in the history of my knowledge. Their first CD, "Get Outta School," was created when they were only 9. Their second and final CD, "C.I.A. Drug Fest," came three years later (in 1992) when the first apparently failed to take off and launch them screaming mohawk-first onto the new wave of "Child Rock" that was sweeping through their respective living rooms.

Old Skull is an enigma to review. I'd like to thoroughly trash their music ability, citing the complete lack of timing on the drummer's part, an almost negligable amount of guitar talent, and the vocals of, well, a 12-year-old, but the fact remains that they were 12 at the time. When I was 12, my musical talent didn't extend beyond throwing a recorder across Music Class at Jessie Owenby, a sad and twisted tale too long and arduous to warrant retelling, so I'll skip to the end: Jessie's dead.

Old Skull's lyrics are what make them beautiful. J.P. was the drummer, and his father, Vern Toulon, produced them, and the word on the street is that he wrote their lyrics as well, making him either an absolute genius or a total idiot. My experience with Old Skull is limited, but I have a particular fondness for the song "Homeless," which contains the following lyrics:

Homeless (x10)

People that don't have homes

I look in their eyes

...I see sadness

They don't have enough money to pay the rent

Because they don't have good enough jobs.

Why don't they have good enough jobs?

BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A GOOD ENOUGH EDUCATION!

At this point, he begins screaming at the top of his lungs:

WHY DON'T THEY HAVE A GOOD ENOUGH EDUCATION?

BECAUSE OF WAR DEBT!

What comes next is a brutal verbal assault on Reaganomics (not kidding), and the repeated yelling of the phrases, "I'm so pissed off," and "I hate Reagan." If they wrote this themselves, it's because Vern held their hand steady in his own iron grip with one hand, while burning flags and constructing picket signs with the other. Their most popular single is "Pizza Man," which features some equally catchy lyrics:

Oh, Pizza Man, if you are late,

You will give it to me for free

OK Pizza Man, here's your tip:

A bullet to the head.

The highlights of this song? The part where he talks about murdering the Pizza Man, and the part where he yells "Dominoe's thin crust takes like shit" over and over again for what seems like an eternity. I can't see the first CD's lyrics being any worse than this, though I do know the song "Kill the Dead Eagle" contains the line, "Gonna kill a dead eagle....How do you kill a dead eagle? Just...KILL IT!"

So what ever happened to the boys? Not sure, though I know at least one went on to have a legitimate music career as he got older. Check their CDs out if you can somehow find a way to listen to them, and pay special attention to the tracks "Jesus Died On the Cross" and "Do Ya'll Know Where the Herb's At?" You won't be dissapointed. If you're looking for amusement, I mean.